Uncle G

Last night I received a call from my mom. She prefaced it by saying "I have some bad news" and I immediately assumed it had to do with my Grandma. I was shocked when she told me my Uncle had passed away. Too shocked to say anything else I said "what?" and my mom, in a "slow motion" way of talking replied "U-n-c-l-e G d-i-e-d."

Unexpectedly

Alone

In his house

His body was sent to the coroner this morning to find out the cause of death.

My cousin, his only son, just lost his mother a few years ago. He's only 36, he's an only child and lives 2000 miles away on the east coast. 2000 miles away from us, the rest of the family.

I am heartbroken and lost and don't know what to do. And yet I want to reach out to support them. I'll head down there later this week.

The boyfriend came over to support me last night. He is good and nice and wonderful. But totally an engineer in that his support for touchy topics is almost invisible. He admitted this and we laughed.

I slept on the floor part of the night b/c I just wanted to be alone.

My bosses are amazing. I emailed them last night when I got the news. J replied immediately and said "take as much time as you need". C called this morning, concerned and asked if he could do anything for us. We prayed, he listened. They are amazingly wonderful.

My family is rallying around, supporting each other. My grandma, 92 years old this summer, didn't find out till this morning. My aunt wanted to make sure she had received her blood pressure medicine and was stable before they told her.

I can think of little else that could hurt as badly as burying your own children.

I've been here long enough to know.....

So awhile ago I wrote about how the ladies in the transfer office of the U were incorrect in their initial decision. And feeling so distraught over their bitchy attitude toward students, they sent a "we're sorry"card to every enrolled student.

Do you remember? No neither do I. What I do remember is turning in an appeal (2 classes at a previous quarter system university to count as one class at a semester university) and the mean, old, spiteful, cows at the front desk telling me "well this isn't going to work" and "I don't know about this. You're wanting a photography class to count toward your art requirement. Hmmmm. I don't think so" Complete with looks of "you students are so stupid, I've been working here since I completed high school in 1940. There's no way this is going to work, so don't even bother trying."

And then me, in tears, b/c good gravy lady I've been in school long enough and I know that I've taken the necessary requirements and this appeal, complete with 1998 syllabus and a perfectly punctuated appeal letter, will be approved. I just handed it back to her and said "well I'd at least like to turn it in" walked away and then watched from 10 feet away as they affirmed their belief that my appeal wasn't going to be approved by talking about it LOUDLY. (Seriously I could care less what you think of me. But if you're going to talk about me, wait until I've at least left the building. )


On Friday I received the appeal notification in the mail. It was APPROVED.

Take that you lazy cows.

Give me a A, no B, heck I don't care I'll take a C

Ugh!

For the last several weeks I've been in a funk that I can't quite put my finger on. Driving home from work this evening I finally figured it out.

I'm suffering from "not caring". Don't get me wrong, I care for my family, friends, the victims' families at VT. But school, projects, deadlines, work - it all just doesn't matter to me. And hasn't for awhile. Except it does seem to matter AFTER the fact.

Example #1 - Professor M has assigned us several projects for her class. I haven't been able to see eye to eye with her since after the first exam when during her office hours I had gone in for some questions and left in tears. Thanks for making me feel like a complete moron for not understanding new material. You're the best teacher ever. No really, you are.
So the first half of project #759 was due today. I had worked and worked and worked on it but had some questions. Fearing her wrath if I was to visit during office hours, I poked my way through the project and thought I had done well enough.

It wasn't and I'm kicking myself now for not caring about it. Except that I don't care about it but I do enough to want a better grade. Confused? Try living in my brain!

Speaking of grades - holy Hannah I'm worried about this semester. It's been tough and I really don't know how it's going to turn out. Part of me wants to do better but part of me just doesn't.

will it really matter what my GPA is three years from now? Chances are slim but I fear going into an interview where, after it's gone well they offer to hire me contingent on my transcript and grades (I've seen a few job posting where this is required).

Now I know I can compete against the young'ens any day. The fact that I have 10 years of "real life" job experience is going to pay off big time when it comes to interviewing and job searching. And I know that I can explain the fact that my GPA isn't as great as some of my peers b/c while most of them have the luxury of mommy and daddy paying their tuition and living expenses thus making it unnecessary for them to work, I haven't been so lucky. But have taken similar class loads and worked close to 30 hours/week at two book*keeping jobs.

I still worry that my lack of caring now and my inability to really truly apply myself is going to kick me in the butt later.

Funny side story - I sit in front of "tee-hee" and "ha-ha" (two girls that giggle at everything) One girl doesn't work, the other does AND is planning her wedding.

Tee-hee was bitching about all the homework
Ha-Ha replies "at least you don't have to work"
Tee-hee "well this IS like a part time job"
Ha-Ha "except its not and there are plenty of us who work AND go to school. Try doing both and plan a wedding"
Tee-hee "oh, yeah"

In other unrelated news - the girl who came up to me at our company Christmas party and said "give me back my movies bitch" has quit. Her last day is tomorrow. Hallejuliah!