Give me a A, no B, heck I don't care I'll take a C

Ugh!

For the last several weeks I've been in a funk that I can't quite put my finger on. Driving home from work this evening I finally figured it out.

I'm suffering from "not caring". Don't get me wrong, I care for my family, friends, the victims' families at VT. But school, projects, deadlines, work - it all just doesn't matter to me. And hasn't for awhile. Except it does seem to matter AFTER the fact.

Example #1 - Professor M has assigned us several projects for her class. I haven't been able to see eye to eye with her since after the first exam when during her office hours I had gone in for some questions and left in tears. Thanks for making me feel like a complete moron for not understanding new material. You're the best teacher ever. No really, you are.
So the first half of project #759 was due today. I had worked and worked and worked on it but had some questions. Fearing her wrath if I was to visit during office hours, I poked my way through the project and thought I had done well enough.

It wasn't and I'm kicking myself now for not caring about it. Except that I don't care about it but I do enough to want a better grade. Confused? Try living in my brain!

Speaking of grades - holy Hannah I'm worried about this semester. It's been tough and I really don't know how it's going to turn out. Part of me wants to do better but part of me just doesn't.

will it really matter what my GPA is three years from now? Chances are slim but I fear going into an interview where, after it's gone well they offer to hire me contingent on my transcript and grades (I've seen a few job posting where this is required).

Now I know I can compete against the young'ens any day. The fact that I have 10 years of "real life" job experience is going to pay off big time when it comes to interviewing and job searching. And I know that I can explain the fact that my GPA isn't as great as some of my peers b/c while most of them have the luxury of mommy and daddy paying their tuition and living expenses thus making it unnecessary for them to work, I haven't been so lucky. But have taken similar class loads and worked close to 30 hours/week at two book*keeping jobs.

I still worry that my lack of caring now and my inability to really truly apply myself is going to kick me in the butt later.

Funny side story - I sit in front of "tee-hee" and "ha-ha" (two girls that giggle at everything) One girl doesn't work, the other does AND is planning her wedding.

Tee-hee was bitching about all the homework
Ha-Ha replies "at least you don't have to work"
Tee-hee "well this IS like a part time job"
Ha-Ha "except its not and there are plenty of us who work AND go to school. Try doing both and plan a wedding"
Tee-hee "oh, yeah"

In other unrelated news - the girl who came up to me at our company Christmas party and said "give me back my movies bitch" has quit. Her last day is tomorrow. Hallejuliah!