two weeks

Holy Hannah it's finally going to happen; I still can't believe it. For so long (the last 12 years) I've told myself "when I graduate" or "after graduation". And now? Now that it is actually happening I find myself numb, paralyzed because I can no longer put off what I have continuously put off.

The good side - all my nervousness has led me to lose 3 pounds in a week. The bad - I'm having a party with 40+ people attending and haven't done anything but send out the invites. "please come celebrate my graduation. Oh - would you mind bringing some food and beverages too? Thanks!"

Late last week in a fit of worry and anger (at work) I sent out my resume in response to four different ads. I expected a call or two back. What I didn't expect was that I received "we'd love to interview you" response from all four. Huzzah! Of those 4 - I would reject two of them if they offered me a position. Because sweet Mary - were some of them down right rude. And mean. And not interesting. And.... word to the wise if you're going to interview people for positions -MAKE SURE YOU HAVE QUESTIONS TO ASK THEM. The third interview was done by three middle aged "we've worked here for years and we do things our own way. don't you try coming in here and changing things OR being happy. We hate happy people. PS - your office, as most of the offices here, don't have any windows. PPS - you'd be sharing a cube with the controller for the first year b/c we're running out of room. Hope you don't mind close quarters" won't really appeal to people. But good luck finding someone to take the position.
As I walked out the door I crossed them off my list. A big "whew glad I don't work there!" Only later to be called from the CEO. He wanted to talk to me more about the position. Ohhhkkaayyyy

The job I rejected (the first offer) called me back today. She wants to talk with me about why I rejected it and hopefully can lure me back. "we'll make accommodations" they said.

In other news - I found a lump (another one) in my breast. I had a mammogram done a few years ago. Everything looked a-okay then. But now - now things are looking different. The doctor had initially thought it was nothing but a cyst. She tried to aspirate it but couldn't. Then became concerned and ordered another mammogram. Originally scheduled for this coming Monday but I rescheduled for a week later.

Have I ever mentioned how much of a worrier I am. All powerful, totally all consuming, paralyzed with fear worrier. Guess what I've thought about a lot these weeks? Not only the pressure of finals and getting another job but also possibly cancer. CRAP! S$%&&* F%^&K