St*eroids. Good, but not good. Will I ever learn?

Over the past couple of years my a*sthma has gotten worse. At times I've often wondered (for embarrassingly long periods of time) if I have lung cancer, or emphysema, or something other than "just asthma". So I trot off to the doctor, who both times I've gone to talk about my asthma problems has been gone so I'm stuck with the PA (who I love, just not as much as my regular doctor). We chat, she prescribes, and I walk out of there with steroid inhalers. I'm happy and thankful and feeling better.

Till day 3.

When I suddenly become the biggest jerk. I yell, cry, hate everything and everyone. But man do I feel extra strong when I'm lifting weights at the gym.

So after a rough morning of yelling out loud at no one about the someone who parked too close to me and I couldn't get out without hitting their car (which I did, lightly, no damage. But I did so WITHOUT remorse) I went off the s*teroids.

Work noticed and our consultant called me on it. "you okay, the guys have been wondering what's up. You're not you lately"

I cried as the homework and responsibilities of two jobs, a full class load, and 20 billion hours of end of the year tax work, homework and basic responsibilities piled up. Dinner? No thank you - I'll just inhale some more s*teroids.

I cried myself to sleep one night, huge sobs that drown your pillows. The next morning had me feeling a little better. By day 7 of going off s*teroids I was back to myself.

I'm closing in my last year of school. The pressure and responsibilities of life are weighing me down. But I'm making a conscience effort to appreciate the little things. The bitterly cold temperatures, the extra day light at the end of the day, the sound of my grandmother's voice, the taste of dark chocolate mid day, the boyfriend's caring way of saying "I'm here if you need me" my mom's special valentine's day gift.

My life is changing and the changes are only going to get bigger. It's an exciting time but try as I might to savor all the little details, I so want to jump ahead to see what's around the bend!

Getting old(er)

Today I found myself buying organic prune juice at my local health food shops. Prune juice? Several hours later I still don't get why I bought it. (It was on sale - which is probably the biggest reason it's sitting in my fridge) Apparently I turned 75 overnight and am now concerned with the regularities of my bowels.

Speaking of health - I noticed a small bump on the side of my face. In the exact same area of my last skin cancer. I'm a little worried, however I'm giving myself a week to see what it does (hoping it's just a zit) before I make a call to my doctor. The first time I went in with a suspicious spot, she told me that it "probably wasn't skin cancer but we'll biopsy it just in case". Results came back within the week that it WAS cancer. Since then she's been great about doing a biopsy on anything I want. Mole on my back - Let's cut it out! Spot on my arm - let's cut it out!

This time around I have better insurance (lower deductible) plus an individual supplemental cancer policy that will cover additional costs that my insurance does not. Hooray for all that, boo to the skin cancer.