There's a foot in my mouth. And it's mine

So remember this story. She out scored me on our latest tests.

I am ashamed and humbled, completely embarrassed.

On an unrelated note - the university loves taking students' money. So much so that they're requiring I take the same classes I took out west b/c while the curriculum is exactly the same, the want an extra .4 of a semester hour (stupid quarter system) and the only way for me to get it is to take another class. Full tuition, soul sucking time. Ridiculous. It didn't help that a crotchety old woman who has probably worked at the university since its inception wouldn't move an inch. "we hate to do this to students. Really we do"

Uhm whatever. I'll admit I started to cry as I left the building. I couldn't help it

I'm off to appeal.

Reason 82 - why I don't want to leave that place

After razzing with my boss about giving a two week notice - effective today, he came over and whispered in my ear "are you back on the st*eroids?"

Winter X family games

A friend of mine from years gone back has always been some sort of mess whether it's financially, in health, or relationship. There's always something going on. The latest was her break up with a boyfriend of 2 years. They met and moved in with each other within 3 months. Our circle of friends called it and said "this will never work" and it didn't. So we supported her, gave her what she needed, reassured her "everything will be okay". She cried, we comforted. Everything we could do we did.

A week or so later she informed us that they were still together but just as "friends with benefits". We've witnessed it before and "fnb" always, always, always ends badly.

A great friend of mine called me after this news and was pissed. Angry that she had given so much of her time and energy, angry that she was lied to, angry for so much. And she drew the line and said "I'm done playing into her games"

And it was with that line that a light clicked on in my head. My dad, who I love dearly, plays the same game with me. And once I heard "I'm done playing into her games" I knew I needed to end it to.

So I've made a conscience effort to not play his games. It's a struggle b/c I still fear the worst is going to happen and that by not playing into his games, I'll some how force the problems to occur. (seriously it doesn't make any sense to me either. My mind is crazy!) But good googly moogily enough is enough. I can't continue.

Ours is a complicated relationship due to so many factors I can't possibly list them all.. But I have found myself wishing on more than one occasion for a normal family.

It's horrible, I know.

A million miles before Sunday

So this blog? Yeah, I haven't done such a great job at updating. At times it just feels more like work. And with everything I have piled on to my plate right now, I shudder when thinking of adding anything else. So instead I choose to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.

B/c you know, that's a really good idea.

So school - still kicking my butt. I've been wound so tight the last couple of weeks that if you looked at me wrong I would have totally bitten off your head. My dad, bless his engineer heart, doesn't know when is enough, nor how to make appropriate conversation to his stressed out daughter. And in the midst of one of our conversations last week told me "I wish we did more together" It's his trick of the trade and he plays well by giving out the guilt. But seriously telling me that when I'm nose deep in to midterms and work almost caused me to lose it. Actually, wait - yes I did lose it...

Issues with my family - ever ongoing. I'm making the trip to see my mom and redneck stepfather this weekend. It's the beginning of spring break and I've been telling my mom "I'll get up there soon" for months. So I'll suck it up and go. I love, love, love my mom. Stepdad on the other hand? Not so much. Actually not at all. Harsh? Perhaps. But given the history I'm betting that you'd agree with me on this one.

The boyfriend and I escaped last minute for another ski trip this weekend. It was wonderful. Things have been rough between us lately and we needed a break away from it all. The snow conditions - wonderful. Ski resort - better than ever. The hotel - excellent. The memories - cherished! Everything was great except for the creepy middle aged man who kept hounding us in the hot tub. Dude, shut up already!

2AM - My new best friend. We have, against my will, been spending a lot of time together lately. Frankly I'm quite sick of her.

I've got a big meeting with the boss tomorrow. The agenda - I'm fighting for more pay and they're requesting I stick around after graduation. You'd think it'd be an easy sell. "pay me more and I'll stick around after graduation" But no. Bosses, as nice as they can be, can squeeze water from pennies. Wait that's not right. Squeeze wine from water. No... Squeeze juice from an apple?

See what working, going to school and hanging out with 2AM will do to your mind?