A night and day

I sat down at the computer a few nights ago and typed out a lengthy post about my troubled relations with my family. But before I could post my computer froze and I, dead tired from the day, said "screw it anyway" and went to bed. When people like Linda have lost their mom, it takes me back a step and be thankful to still have everyone in my family alive and well.

When my mom sighs instead of congratulates me in response to my telling her I'll graduate next fall, it just seems to put me over the edge. I go all crazy too when my dad retorts back to my brother's remark of "what you're not paying for our dinner?" with "I paid 26 years of child support". Yeah, it's those type of days that make me want to hurl things at the outdoors.

The boyfriend came from a polar opposite family. Take the Cleavers, mix in a third kid and that's his life growing up. His mom stayed home, baked cookies and home cooked meals, volunteered with the PTA and played chauffeur to him and his siblings. Dad worked the corporate job during the day and came home in the evenings. The family ate dinner together at the table and then afterwards went to the den/family room to watch a movie, play a board game, do something family related. Every summer they went on family vacations and every Christmas they had the picture perfect (I've seen tapes to prove it) holiday gathering.

You get the drift right?

I call his parents Ward and June. He laughs but knows it's true.

When we first compared our childhoods I laughed at his. Because seriously what family is like that? And get this - he's never, ever, seen his parents fight. I found and still find this odd considering it was a daily occurrence while growing up in my household. During one of our heated disagreements I told him his parents did him a disservice by not fighting in front of him. Can you see me all angry and mad, accusing his parents of doing a bad job raising him? Insane; but then again I never claimed to be mentally healthy.

A few nights ago I awoke at 1 AM wide awake. For the life of me I could not fall back asleep. I watched TV, read magazines, counted backwards from 1000, and paced around. Nothing, I repeat nothing helped me. So I started to cry, bawling, tear filled eyes, sobbing. The boyfriend got me to come back to bed with "come to bed and I'll rub your back" He knows me too well. And he's also getting wise as the nights he agrees to stay over are getting fewer and fewer.
Accusing his parents of not raising him well and my insomnia - gee I wouldn't be hanging out with me either.

Around 4:30 I fell back asleep, only to wake up to the alarm at 5:30. I snoozed till 6:30 thinking that extra hour would help. But in all honesty it didn't. I made it through work then stupidly tried out a new class at the gym at lunch (which has me crying in pain today b/c my legs are THAT sore. Cripe I can be dumb), and then went to class where the girl next to me had the nerve to tell me "I'm really tired but I don't know why b/c I slept from like 10 to 8:30"

Counting in weeks

Weeks I suffered from a stress fracture in my foot before getting it diagnosed - 1 (seriously who knew that running a 5k in the morning and hiking in the afternoon would equal stress fracture. But ouch, ouch, ouch I've learned my lesson)

Weeks it will take to heal - 2 to 3 (I'm pushing it by attempting my 6am morning gym class tomorrow)

Weeks till my birthday - 4 (I'm half avoiding / half looking forward to this one. 31 -yowza it hurts worse than 30)

Weeks I've wasted "not exercising" - 1.5 ( I feel like a sloth for not doing anything)

Weeks till the semester is over - 12 (I can't believe I'm counting down already)

Weeks till the boyfriend goes hunting - 4 (or as referred to between the two of us - his man-caution)

Weeks till my brother drives through for a visit - 1 (yea, I'm not sure how I feel about this one)

Weeks I've been away from the crazy office lady - 1.5 (!!!! - finally my own office)

Weeks till the boyfriend and I escape to a nice little mtn town - less than 1 (see note above for healing - the foot better heal b/c I really don't want to miss out on the mtn biking. Fall in the mtns = beautiful)